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First Know What You're Dealing With (or the Erin has no money and needs to pay her rent record)

by Kill The Buddha

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1.
delta blues 05:46
Delta Blues (C F G) I was born by c-section in a hospital in surrey nothing natural about me I just kept my mouth shut and my mom said I was such a quiet baby what a good girl, did well in school what a good girl but I was slow at arithmetic and it caused concern but I wasn’t concerned how fast do you need to multiply? take your time, I took my time I wrote stories didn’t let anybody read them grew up in delta whole lotta bullshit, makes me sick I hate to go back there my mom says I was a good girl but she never said it to me didn’t think I needed to know but I needed to know and I grew up lazy, and I grew up selfish and I shut my mouth, and I shut my door and I wanted to sing in a rock and roll band never told anybody and I wanted to do something but I didn’t know how and I had nobody to ask because nobody did nothing nothing going on grew up in delta whole lotta bullshit, makes me sick I hate to go back there I read every book of poetry in the george mackie library the summer I turned sixteen used up a lot of paper and I got drunk under the overpass got stoned and skipped school dropped acid and learned what it’s like to go crazy I didn’t want to go crazy I went a little crazy and I listened to the wall and I felt like dying but what I really wanted to do was live and my dad told me to drink some milk, huh and I wanted to do something but I didn’t know how nobody doing nothing, nothing going on and I wanted to sing in a rock and roll band but I never told anybody I didn’t think I could, I didn’t know I could grew up in delta whole lotta bullshit, makes me sick I’m never going back there I fell in love I fell in love with a guy, long hair, he smoked cigarettes and played guitar he was really smart he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me we moved outta delta, went to university watched a lot of movies, drank some whiskey he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he loved me he asked me to marry him, gave me a white gold ring I said yes I said no I said yes I said no I said yes I said no I said yes I said no I said no, teach me to play guitar and he did and now I sing in a rock and roll band and now I’m a one man band and now I’m my own damn man ;) grew up in delta whole lotta bullshit, makes me sick nobody doing nothing
2.
I Quit My Job To Go To The Colourbook Show (capo on 2nd fret - E G D G) about a month ago I got up at quarter to six about a month ago I thought about calling in sick about a month ago I walked to work in the rain cuz in nanaimo on sunday there’s no bus to take I thought that I might say I’m not selling cigarettes to anyone today I thought that I might say I’m not selling cigarettes to anyone today I thought about what they might say- go back the way you came I got to work a little bit late my supervisor was having a really bad day I didn’t have the heart to say I’m not selling cigarettes to anyone today I had made up my mind if I got myself fired I’d go home and make a solo record called the erin just got fired and needs to make some money record and I didn’t have the heart to say I’m not selling cigarettes to anyone today but I quit my job today I’m moving on today so I wrote this song today I’m not selling cigarettes to anyone today I started going through my songs I could make a record 20 hours long with all the things that I’ve been through and all the songs I wrote about you I just brought you into this you could be anyone that I’ve kissed you could be anyone that I’ve missed so I started going through those songs I found one two minutes long about the things that I might say if you ever came my way it had always been one of my favourites I thought I’d put it on my first solo record but that song’s where I was then and now I’m never going back that song’s where I was then and I’m not staying that song’s where I was then no one ever really listened to it anyway I saw your eyes gloss over I saw you heading for another drink that song’s where I was then and I’m not staying so I wrote this song today I’m moving on today I quit my job today I’m not selling cigarettes to anyone today
3.
nice work 01:48
Nice Work (D A G) I passed a woman with two little girls they were building a fence I said, nice work they were building a fence I said, nice work they were building a fence I said, nice work but I’m breaking it down but I’m breaking it down but I’m breaking down we all collapse a little bit we all collapse a little bit we all collapse a little bit and the little one was banging a hammer the older one was checking the levels and they were building a fence I thought, nice work they were building a fence I thought, nice work they were building a fence I thought, nice work but I’m kicking it down but I’m kicking it out but I’m sticking out well we all learn from what we go without we all break down and go without we all shut down and turn it out and we keep within what we can’t put out and you’re fenced in and I’m fenced out they were building a fence I said, nice work
4.
I’m Trying, I’m Trying. . . (G D C G) I ate the good food and I fought the good fight and I stayed out late skateboarding every night I was thinking of boys I would have liked to have loved but who I’d just go and leave when I’d got enough I’ve been building up a store of passion and what for it’ll come crashing down and bash down my doors but doors, what were we closing them for? to keep out the creatures and people and what more? I’m in my fear, living in here remembering happy, and waxing all sappy in a rhyme a voice keeps time without accompanying noise and I’m trying to be everybody I need I’ve been avoiding the dishes writing down all my wishes ignoring the boring task of scoring my misses I’ve been playing guitar as if I’m crashing a car it’s a style you can imitate when I’m a star I’ve been leaning to screams the louder it seems to get tighter and closer to the sound of my dreams but dreams, what were we holding them for? to keep up illusions and seclusions and what more? and I’m in my fear, singing in here remembering happy, and conjuring it here in a rhyme a voice keeps time without accompanying noise I’m trying to be everybody I need
5.
Forget Bad Dreams (G A C D) I forget bad dreams I look smaller than I am and everyone’s young and cups of coffee talk like the whisper songs you swallow someone young is a judge terrible taste living bold and unafraid fear is ordinary and to be visionary you must sneak away through the leaves so unassuming I forget bad songs the best can clear a room nobody knew and paying attention is cheaper from the easy room so I’ll be leaving soon when I’ve split enjoyment into hate and devotion I’m turning up the tension and would somebody sing with me the soul escapes in anonymity careless of your perfect lover your heart escapes with distraction pay more attention to the laws of attraction I’m breaking and boring I’m empty and waiting I’m trying but not wholehearted enough and my head’s in the clouds my feet in the mist that fell over me as I crossed over the sea stepping down on this side what was left of me? I could admit, only everything but I’m not quite committed to swearing I’m fucking scared shitless of everything inside me my past and my body play cruel tricks on me at night reinterpret that nothing is real forget all my dreams and go right back to sleep and act in accordance with ancient programming the age of my body is right to have babies it’s sending me messages like pop-ups on screens and I can’t quite ignore them but I don’t quite agree and my soul escapes in a crowd with everybody singing loud it’s the union of physical beautiful spiritual whimsical ethereal phenomenon it’s a high plane we’d all like to die on but for now let’s just visit it’s a hot bed to lie on it’s a beckoning ear a relation to cry on you can reach and be reached it’s a dream you can try on you can be a lover and a friend to rely on so let’s just sing till our voice is tired cry till our eyes are dry sigh till we’re out of sighs and touch till we’re satisfied and won’t somebody sing with me the soul escapes in anonymity the program explains your life away in code I live away a random embrace I’m good at forgetting I’m getting older than I look unless you look me inside but nobody bothers if I’m looking for someone to bother me to forget me, to upset me it’s soooo easy and my soul is old it’s a fantastical magical fictionable bewitchionable sensational idealistical story told and I lose it in a crowd with everybody singing loud I become one with the clouds the mystery shining proud and looking away is not allowed so everybody sing loud let’s just sing till our voice is tired cry till our eyes are dry sigh till we’re out of sighs and touch till we’re satisfied sing till our voice is tired cry till our eyes are dry sigh till we’re out of sighs and touch till we’re satisfied sing-tired, cry-dry, sigh-sigh touch till we’re, touch till we’re, touch till we’re satisfied sing-tired, cry-dry, sigh-sigh touch till we’re, touch till we’re, touch till we’re satisfied sing-tired, cry-dry, sigh-sigh touch till we’re sat-is-fied
6.
I Think We Can Make It (mainly G & D) we’ll make records and records we’ll play shows and shows and shows we’ll make love, and love we can live by the ocean if it’s not too far for all our friends to drop in and make themselves a cup of tea I’ll make soap and soup and tinctures you’ll make brand new instruments I’ll sing all our conversations we’ll make records and break records we’ll make a mess and fake success and take a rest we can make a little money, I think we can make a little baby we can make a little house if it’s big enough for all our friends to make all the means to all the ends we’ll trade all the things we make for a little piece of kristjanne’s cake for authentic recordings of heartbreak we might fail every test we take but we’ll have our own secret handshakes and teach them to everyone you’ll take all my compliments and make them into brand new instruments we’ll make little makeshift monuments, just little we can live on an island if we make room for all our friends we’ll make some new mistakes to fix our old mistakes and lose track of all the time it takes we’ll make records and records we’ll play shows and shows and shows we’ll make love, and love we’ll make a lot of noise…………………… we’ll make records and records we’ll play shows and shows and shows we’ll make love, and love
7.
black star 02:12
Black Star (G D C) black star these are the ones that stay and they stay hard and when they go they go so far black star black star feeling heart winding yarn these are the ones that feel they laugh and show you what they steal and you know they can’t be real and you know it’s always their deal and you know only what you feel black star black star mind dart communicated from end to start retrospect is changing the art of coming together and breaking apart from breaking together and coming apart to coming together and feeding the heart one heart two heart one life with many parts coming together and spreading apart no reason to break your heart no reason not to start no reason to curse the art of coming together and just enjoying the weather beating heart one life with many parts word art black star black star these are the ones that stay and they stay hard and when they go they go so far black star
8.
You Are Responsible For Your Own Freedom (Em & A) I grew I grew a little comfortable a little alienated I knew I knew this was a trial for me and I could cry or make it so what are you gonna do now now that you’re free again now that you’re broken down? I got tied up in a thing and I knew some things that I forgot I left my books under a pile I didn’t ask if it was right or not if I was happy or not if I was doing the thing or if I was wandering aimlessly I did I did a little wearing out a little holding up I said I said this is not easy for me like I was persecuted and I could be executed if I did not carefully do it and this would sadly prove it that I was right and I knew it so what are you gonna do now now that you’re free again now that you’re broken down? I got tied up in a thing and I knew some things that I forgot I left my fears under my bed I didn’t ask if it was healthy or not if it was hungry or not if I was doing the thing or if I was running the debt collectors keep on coming I grew I grew a bit uncomfortable a little liberated I knew I knew this was the trial for me and I could die or take it comfort was overrated so what are you gonna do now now that you’re free again?
9.
Hey Paper Shoes, What Happened To You? (G C D) dear hawksley, I hated your last record when I first heard it dear hawksley, I bought your last record when I first saw it but I thought it was boring, apocalyptic and pessimistic I wondered what happened to your crazy enthusiasm I love it when you get a little crazy dear hawksley, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to be crazy but sad house daddy, open up the door and come on now, you soggy old airplane wing where is the love? dear hawksley, my old roommate bought last night we were the delicious wolves and I thought jealous of your cigarette was the coolest thing I’d ever heard and when I was in korea, my brother sent me lover/fighter and almost a full moon for christmas I opened them before christmas, because I knew it would be something good and it was just what I needed but hawksley, I hated your last record when I first heard it what happened to the light in your eyes, the spring in your step hey paper shoes, what happened to you? dear hawksley, I heard you had a broken heart and you put it in a little room, with a big piano, and an eight-track and I have to respect that but hawksley, I still hated the record I didn’t hear the hope, I had no time for understated compassion no time for sadness I was in love with a boy, I was in love with the world I was in love with everything yes, loud and shouting and chasing success I was in love dear hawksley, I’ve been spending time alone I’ve been spending time at home, I got a new home all alone I’ve been slowing down and letting in the quiet and my heart, is tired and broken dear hawksley, I listened to treeful of starling dear hawksley, I finally heard treeful of starling I listened nine times today to treeful of starling I get it now a moth is not a butterfly, and I can take the time to cry and everyone keeps falling in and out of love, and I’m tired and you are too beautiful to be in bed with me but I will still write you a song because we will still need a song cuz it’s a long life and I’ve got to rise past the darkness I’ve seen dear hawksley, I’m glad you made a treeful of starling dear hawksley, I’m glad you found a treeful of starling dear hawksley, I’m glad I bought a treeful of starling dear hawksley, I’m glad I found a treeful of starling it was just what I needed I’m not in love
10.
Enzyme Happening (G D A) I dread the night I sit with your ghost in my dream you hurt me the most but I forgive you all the time all the time time I step away, this way and that way started out before you could catch me and when I’m gone you carry on thinking you’d put me first you put me first in my dream you hurt me the worst but I forget it all the time all the time you lose your sight and get a gun and I was there and you point it at someone that made me and I call you a baby and you shot it at me I could feel myself bleed where I couldn’t see, right in the control you made me and I call you a baby and you shot it at me you lose your sight calling yourself alone in the night you can play with each other the killing game the fighting to stay the same and never call one another by your name and you can make the things you never meant that make you able to say I regret, I regret, I regret and you could kill me by mistake and not remember the mess you made you made me and I call you a baby and you shot it at me I’d never know if I was dead if I didn’t count on somebody else instead I shared a house with your ghosts in my dream they hated you the most but I’d defend you all the time all the time time I would tell them about your good intentions you were just younger and dumber than you like to mention and they’d ask if that’s your best excuse and say, is that good enough for you? and I’d let them live with me in my house and we would share the things we’ve lived without and I’ll never blame another shot on the things you did and the things you’re not
11.
waking up 03:36
Waking Up (C D A B) I’ve been alive awhile I’ve been in love and I I’ve been around the world I’ve been a friend to many boys and girls and all this time I’m waking up it’s not the sound I thought it would make I’ve been a silent witness I’ve been a vocal catalyst I’ve been a seeker of experience I’ve rested comfortably in darkness and all this time I’m waking up it’s not the sound I thought it would make I’ve walked around aware I’ve smiled at condescending stares I’ve hid myself from my choices I’ve choked as I accept the consequences and all this time I’m waking up it’s not the sound I thought it would make I turned down a promise with a golden ring I cried over many petty things I spoke my mind spoke my mind when it’s embarrassing I clenched my fears and I began to sing and all this time I’m waking up it’s not the sound I thought it would make I’ve been alive awhile I’ve been in love and I I’m not afraid to die and I can hold my head up high as I I’m waking up it’s not the sound I thought it would make
12.
the machine 03:28
The Machine (D G C) I like the music I like the sound it makes when you sing I like the sound it makes when you hit the strings I like the look it makes when your hair swings I like to feel the unknowable things we’re all trying to make sense of things we’re trying to change things we don’t want to be a part of the machine that just eats your work and ploughs over everything we’d rather die we’d rather die free we’d rather die free daily so fuck you, and fuck me if it looks like we’re struggling it only means it’s working if it looks like we’re dying you can tell how hard we’re trying if we ever stop arguing we probably need some reminding of the blinding unending reasons for living and I’ve got no time for giving in I’ve got no time for playing I’ve got no time for winning I’ve got no time for serving and deserving so I die free daily so fuck you and fuck me we’re all trying to make sense of things we’re trying to change things we don’t want to be a part of the machine that just eats your work and ploughs over everything we’d rather die we’d rather die free we’d rather die free daily so fuck you, and fuck me

about

Kill the Buddha is a previous incarnation of Moonsister (2007-2008). First Know What You’re Dealing With is a collection of songs written in Nanaimo between 2004 & 2008. We recorded it on an old reel-to-reel over three days, leaving the songs pretty bare and unpolished. This is where I’m coming from. (. . . and I DID make enough money upon release of this record to cover my rent that month. . . .)

credits

released February 2, 2008

all songs words guitars pianos harmonicas by Erin O'Brien

recorded and produced by Quinn Stacey and Chris Thompson at the Chrome Horse, Nanaimo

some drum by Nate Krell
some cello by Chris Thompson
additional vocals by Chris Thompson, Nate Krell, Jamie Anderson, Scott J. Gailey, Sean Steele and Quinn Stacey

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Moonsister Gabriola, British Columbia

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